This excerpt from a common conversation was spotted while observing two kind of a rare species.
It moves on two legs, and has two limbs, necessary for communication and interaction with the outer environment.
I am talking about 'Gamers', Ladies and Gentlemen.
The specimen 'gamer' was found in specialized caves, called houses, isolated from civilization, hidden in dark rooms.
Doctors from the John Hopkins Hospital in Baltimore autopsied bodies from several gamers who died in internet cafes and the results were terrific. Taking a closer look at the gamers the results revealed a significant similarity between them and the 'Homo Sapiens Sapiens'
Extremely pale skin, long hair, small glassed eyes, and the fact that they all have a nerdish smile on their faces are obvious differences at first sight.
Most gamers have atrophied limbs, because their natural amount of movement is very low.
Research revealed, that the gamer evoluted from the “Noob”. Only the amount of brain is a little bit higher.
But in contrast to this fact we still have to distinguish two kinds:
Overweight or malnourished (unterernährt).
But what is a gamer doing all day long ?
What is his role in this world ?
Why is he here ?
Why has evolution put him in the place he is in right now ?
Scientists at the Institute of Behavioral Science at the Texas Christian University had a tough job with intense research. Many of these scientist dedicated their life to this study, knowing that they could be assimilated to a 'Gamer', but they took one for the team and got into contact.
Last month the evaluation was published and the specimen can be seen with other eyes.
A gamer lives in a symbiotic relationship with a computer.
Computers are tiny silver boxes, hiding a complex structure but I won't refer to them now.
Gamerss protect computers, clean and talk with them. In return they gain entertainment, mental support, and the ability to communicate with other gamers all over the world.
With the ability of communication he is able to spend hours to spread his vacuum of knowledge all over the world.
Though he is very active with these things, the 'Gamer' spends most of his time playing games with other gamers. Well known titles are “Counter Strike” or “World of Warcraft”.
Aggression and rage are common if the Gamer is not able to fulfill his tasks or satisfy his thrill for owning Noobs.
If one has the luck to see a 'Gamer' in open range, he can call himself lucky.
You will have the unique chance to watch this specimen on his search for food.
One might think that a gamers life is easy, just punching some keys on a keyboard, but you are wrong.
Being a Gamer is a tough life. Survival of the fittest is something every Gamer is aware of.
Knowing how to open a tin of ravioli or how to handle a microwave are skills which need years of perfection. To keep up his strength on the realm of battle and stomping noobs, he needs to minimize his time eating, drinking or sleeping.
Pizza, hamburgers, kebap, chips and beverages are fundamental for a Gamer's metabolism.
The unimportant demand of sleep is suppressed with caffein and taurin.
Also minor desires like the call of nature are commonly released in a Lipton ice tea pack.
If the computer is broken or does not work, the gamer has to fix it and is forced to spend his time doing other stuff. Commonly they listen to Death Metal or play simple rhythms on a bass guitar.
Scientists believe that their love for Metal is based on the fact, that the BPS, beats per second, are identical with the pulse rate while resting.
The number of the specimen Gamer has increased during the last 40 years with no decrease in sight.
Theories claim that gamers don't have any natural enemies, but that's wrong.
Casual day light is able to damage this specimen so severely that its body turns into dust.
Another common enemy are the parents and especially the mother, who is harassing all day long.
Still after years of research, high qualified scientist have not been able to find out where gamer's come from.
It was not possible to detect any form of mating habit (Paarungsverhalten).
Gamers find sexual satisfaction in autoerotic with women whose last name are
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Up to this present day, nobody has revealed the sense of gamers and their derivation.
Or to describe it with the words of the famous philosopher Peter Abelard, right before his death:
“I don't know”
My name is John Doe and you are listening to BBC 4. Good Evening.
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